Part 2 – Why do we keep secrets?
At Record My Past, it is not uncommon for us to unearth a secret. Someone relaying their life story might say ‘You know I’ve actually never told anyone that before’, or during our family history research we come across a ‘skeleton in the closet’. Some people are pleased to hear these ancestral revelations, but others would prefer they remain hidden in the proverbial wardrobe. In my last couple of blog posts I wrote about a secret I’d discovered in my own ancestry, but certain names were changed to protect the privacy of those who may not feel comfortable about the details being revealed.
Reactions to the word ‘secret’ can vary widely, ranging from the happiest of emotions right along to the most tortured of feelings. Why? Because it all depends on the reason behind the secret. For example, if somebody said to you, ‘We are having a party for Tom’s 40th birthday on Saturday. But it’s a surprise party so keep it a secret!’, you’d usually experience positive feelings about being part of something that will make someone happy (you hope!). But, at the other end of the spectrum, if your daughter told you she’d been attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings because the pandemic lockdowns had led to problem drinking, you wouldn’t exactly be busting at the seams to share that information around.
The difference between what could be called ‘positive’ secrets and ‘negative’ secrets is that the former tend to become open knowledge quite quickly once the reason for keeping them quiet no longer exists – ie the surprise party takes place (or someone lets the cat out of the bag early). However, the more distasteful secrets are more likely to stay distasteful and hidden forever – or at least until they are dug up by, or disclosed to, those who are motivated by setting the record straight.
Emotive words that come to mind around unsavoury secrets include shame, guilt, embarrassment, fear, confusion and disgust. In addition to the feelings they invoke, there might be practical reasons for keeping certain information quiet – such as protection, religious and/or cultural beliefs, stigma, illegality, safety, financial necessity and loyalty.
The types of secrets being kept and the motivations behind them have changed over time. For example, babies born ‘out of wedlock’ were, for all sorts of reasons, hushed up only a few decades ago, whereas many cultures are now much more accepting of illegitimate births. And the discovery of a convict in your background used to invoke the horrors and is now met with excitement – I’m actually a little disappointed at not having any convict ancestry myself!
At Record My Past we are good at finding and recording (or not!) your family’s genealogical secrets. Get in touch if you need our help unearthing your ancestral mysteries.