Why do people reveal all to a complete stranger?
People make sense of their personal history by telling their life story. But they won’t necessarily disclose everything to a family member. Questions about their life as a child, or their early days as a butcher, or where they went for their honeymoon, might be met with, ‘Oh it’s not that interesting really. I don’t remember a lot about it.’ Or it can also be the other way around, with any attempt at relaying an anecdote from ‘the old days’ drawing a not-so-subtle eye-roll and groans of ‘Not this one again.’
There can be all sorts of reasons why the older generation won’t share their full life story directly with a relative – fear of being judged, family secrets, perceived lack of interest, deep-seated frustrations, feelings of inadequacy – and the reality is that family members are often the harshest critics, and many people just don’t want to expose themselves to the risk of a potential family fall-out. Plus let’s face it – not many people have the time, or often the patience, to hear a rambling and often tangential life story over several hours.
But things can be very different if a third party steps in, armed with loads of undivided attention but no hidden agendas, preconceived ideas or judgements. At Record My Past, the sense we often get from our clients is that the experience of telling their complete life story to someone outside the family is cathartic. Even though the ultimate purpose of the interview is usually to produce a written personal history record for the family, they somehow feel they can be more ‘honest’ and comprehensive in their story-telling to someone they might never have to see again.
At Record My Past, we are experienced in getting the conversation started and enabling it to flow smoothly and chronologically, with few interruptions so that memories can be verbalised unhindered. It can often be quite an emotional process for the interviewee, with sometimes long-buried feelings of guilt, pride or regret unexpectedly bubbling to the surface. A sensitive approach is required to capture not only the storyteller’s words but also the ‘voice’ and personality behind them. As an aside to a story he was telling me about his brother, a recent client said, ‘I get very emotional thinking about him. I’m still wearing his watch.’ It was tempting to leave this peripheral observation out of the transcribed story, but it was one of a number of emotive statements I chose to include as illustrating the humanity behind the dates, places and people.
If you’ve got a personal history in the family that needs telling (and we all do!), consider outsourcing it to Record My Past so that we can capture it before it’s too late.